This site has been broken for the past few weeks, which caused this post to be delayed by one day. I apologize.
Anger, violence, extreme views, intolerance of differences . . . this is the state of America . . . maybe it is a more global situation, I don’t know.
I definitely prefer civil discourse over angry soundbites, memes, and tweets.
But I’m not going to talk about the larger problems of society. Not because I don’t care, but because it is too easy to sit back and shake my head and wag a finger at people…harder to look at similar attitudes and unhelpful behaviors in myself.
General understanding tells us yelling, name calling, and personal attacks shut down effective communication. When everyone is defending themselves and combating others, no-one is listening or understanding. Progress grinds to a halt.
So then, conflict is harmful?
But conflict, in and of itself, is not a “bad” thing. Disagreement and misunderstanding are going to happen in a world of free will. And conflicts can shine a light on our unhelpful ideas, which fosters growth if pride stays out of the way.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6
Some Angry Words!
I recently received some very important communication delivered in a very angry and loud way. It was not pleasant . . . or even necessary! And, I could refuse to hear what was said because of the offensive delivery. I could be defensive and dispute unfair accusations. I could walk away and reject the angry composers.
But, while I won’t accept abuse, I choose to hear the pain beneath the anger and respond to the brokenness. I know this is not always possible because some hurt people only know how to abuse, but Christians especially should be able to meet people where they are; physically (not at church), emotionally (hurting), mentally (not well-adjusted), and spiritually (at enmity with God and us).
Christian Snowflakes?
What I see too much, in myself and my peers, is a thin-skinned Christianity. We are quick to label millennials as cry-babies and snowflakes, but we can’t tolerate the offensive delivery of legitimate concerns. We expect people with problems to get their tempers under control and show proper respect to gain an audience. But why? Honest dialogue based on mutual respect is certainly the goal, but hurting and broken people are not going to start out there. If we insist they do, we drastically limit the reach of the Gospel.
I think, as usual, pride gets in the way of ministry.
Did I deserve everything said to me in the conversation I mentioned earlier? No, I don’t think so. My motives were particularly misjudged. Some facts were incorrect or skewed. But, the underlying injury was real. I was not even primarily responsible for the hurt, but because I was attempting to discuss a situation, I needed to hear and accept what was said before any conversation could be productive.
Anyone who knows me personally will attest that I am far from an expert on ministry or human communication! But, this situation got me thinking about how uncomfortable I am with conflict. Anger and yelling are against my rules . . . which is fine for me, and appropriate boundaries in relationships are important, but when we step outside the safety of relationships and the comfort of ministry to mostly healthy and accepting people, I think we can expect some ugliness. Our pride will probably take some blows, but love is the antidote.
“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” 1Co 13:1-3
