My life struggles do not define me!
I share my stories to (hopefully) encourage others. I have definitely learned and been shaped by my experiences…and I am grateful. One of my all-time favorite songs puts it perfectly.
Master Potter – by John Fischer
Master Potter, turner of the wheel,
Lay your hands upon me, show me what is real.
Make me over, so I can contain,
The praises of your Spirit, the glory of your Name.
Chorus:
I wanna be moved by you,
molded and shaped and fired too.
I want your mark left in every line,
So everyone will know that you are mine.
Do what you wanna do, ‘cause I belong to you.
Master Potter, how I feel the pain.
Do you have to break me, to make me new again?
It’s hard to trust you, and yet you know the way,
To make a useful vessel from this heap of clay.(chorus)
But when you are struggling with a difficult circumstance, it’s easy to become “the mom of the ADHD child” or “the wife of the disabled guy”.
Have you ever seen the movie, A Beautiful Mind?
I highly recommend it. It tells the (true) story of a brilliant man who has a mental illness. Although he has it throughout the movie, he and his wife discover the fact after they are married and have a child. There is a scene that takes place within a year or so of the husband’s diagnosis. A friend of the couple asks the wife how she is. She starts telling her husband’s current status and medical treatment. The friend interrupts and says, “No, how are YOU?” She’s startled by the question and hard put to answer. (Her eventual answer is actually very beautiful…but then, it is a movie…she had a script)
I know that feeling. How I am and even who I am has often been lost in the care of my family.
I believe in devotion and self-sacrificial love. But these should refine me – not obscure me.
Even though I have always been responsible and organized, I was also very positive and enjoyed finding the humor in life. It was only as life started tilting in a direction I did not want to go that I stubbornly held on to my wishes…as I focused on retaining and recovering those things, my vision became very narrow and I lost my positive outlook and ability to find the fun.
This has been the latest part of my journey…the journey back to myself. It started several years ago when God pointed out that I lacked joy. My initial response was sort of like, “No kidding…you’ve kind of loaded me up with bad stuff here.”
But God has patiently guided me through many steps and truths to find joy again…which ultimately comes from focus on Him and His plan. That allows me to let go of disappointments and frustrations, giving those things away and only holding onto the blessings I receive every day. I do not deny that difficult circumstances exist…I still have to deal with them. But that is not what my life is about.
God is good, life is beautiful, and funny things are everywhere!
