For a few weeks I truly believed that any day I would just jump into writing. But, as the summer began to slip away, my brain switched into full analytical mode – attempting to crack the mystery of my summer blogging challenge.
What is the big deal? Other moms do it! What is my problem?
I’m afraid I never solved the dilemma, but my need for order and routine is the top suspect. I intend to prepare and implement a solution before summer rolls around again.
One major event that took a chunk of time this summer was our middle child’s performance in a show called “Ragtime”. If you are familiar with Ragtime, don’t worry. They used the school edition . . . and even then, they cleaned it up quite a bit. It was performed by 7th through 12th graders in a school based program, so . . .
If you are not familiar with Ragtime, Google it.
As usual, I only volunteered a fraction of the time the super dedicated moms did, but I managed to work on some costumes and help out backstage, things I never would have dreamed of just a few years ago. I also worked in a fireworks booth for our youngest daughter (6th grade camp fundraiser). It is great to finally have time for these types of parent activities. My girls really love it.
But, at the same time, I feel sad for our oldest child. She was born with challenges (ADHD), she was a toddler during Caleb’s addiction years, and our Tumultuous Years spanned 5th through 9th grades. We were just getting our feet back under us as she approached 18 and her senior year.
Of course, all the children were affected by those stressful years…with some pretty severe emotional responses…but the younger two now have the benefit of some relative normalcy (the key word here is “relative” – I would never call us normal).
I am the first one to announce that no one promised life would be fair (Really – it is not in the Bible, and anyone who has walked the earth for any length of time can confirm this by mere observation). I often explain to the kids that it is not reasonable to expect all things between them to be completely equal. Yet I still feel our oldest got a bad deal . . . and I don’t like it! I even feel resentful about it!
These feelings surprise me.
I don’t expect my life to be fair, and I have little patience with the “I deserve” bunch. It’s such a trap. Yet, when it comes to my kids, I want only the best for them. They sometimes laugh at how aggressive I can be if I think someone is pushing them around! (They laugh because I’m not really aggressive and it turns out really funny)
But, what if the inequity our girls experience is exactly what they need? What if the very thing I want to protect them from is actually best for them?
But, how can something unfair be good?
. . . I don’t know the answer to that.
The book of Job tells one of the most unfair stories I’ve ever heard . . . and here is how it ends up.
Job 40:1-2 The Lord went on: “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? Or will you yield? Do you—God’s critic—have the answers?”
Job 42:1-6 Then Job replied to God: “I know that you can do anything and that no one can stop you. You ask who it is who has so foolishly denied your providence. It is I. I was talking about things I knew nothing about and did not understand, things far too wonderful for me. You said, ‘Listen and I will speak! Let me put the questions to you! See if you can answer them!’ But now I say, ‘I had heard about you before, but now I have seen you, and I loathe myself and repent in dust and ashes.’”
These are truths I don’t really care for.
I think a good chunk of life’s journey involves acknowledging and embracing truths while rejecting their corresponding lies. This process can be difficult, but results in peace and contentment.
Romans 8:28 (NASB) And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Psalm 85:9-11 Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, that glory may dwell in our land. Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed. Truth shall spring out of the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven.
So, today I am pondering . . . 1) how to better organize my summer schedule to allow for writing, and 2) my trust in God’s plan for my children’s lives – which includes unfairness from which I would prefer to shield them,