My parents taught me about a relationship of love and obedience to God…not a religious observance of a certain set of teachings.

I appreciate how unusual my childhood was.  Religious households often embrace empty spiritual rituals.  I have noticed kids of simply religious homes (regardless of what religion) tend to either fall in love with the structure and security of the belief system – continuing the tradition of a dead religion, or reject it as irrelevant – which it certainly is.

My home was not the dead religion kind of home.

First, the good.

The foundations of my life are solid!  I cannot even describe what a blessing it is to have so much wisdom poured into my life from infancy…to be taught the power of prayer, the love of God, and the knowledge of scripture . . . just awesome!

I am grateful for the legacy I was fortunate enough to receive.  People say I am a strong person, but whatever strength I have stems from my faith – demonstrated to me by my parents and grandparents, along with a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins in varying degrees.

But, there is some bad . . .

Since real faith is a personal rather than collective choice, a danger lurks in beautiful Christian homes; the danger of simply adopting the Christian lifestyle (because of your upbringing) without an actual relationship with God.  The Christian life can be very appealing to a person raised in a truly happy and sincere Christian home.

Though my faith was genuine, for many years I loved the gifts more than the giver; the lifestyle more than the author of life.  As strange as it may seem to some, I have always enjoyed church simply because I like other Christians (perfectly lovely when you fit in) and love to learn. I acted charitably toward people because it resulted in better communication and interactions.  Everything just goes more smoothly when following Godly principles.

Enjoying the blessings of a Godly life is not wrong. (Check out the book of Proverbs!) But, when the focus shifts from being in love with God to being in love with the life He gives…that is a problem.

Jason Gray’s song, More Like Falling in Love, captures this concept perfectly:

“Its gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in – more like losing my heart, than giving my allegiance….’cause all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet.  It never set me free.”

And the ugly?

Well, for me I guess that would have to be God’s withdrawal to teach me to love Him more than His stuff.

With my idyllic upbringing, I embarked on adulthood fully expecting everything to be wonderful – with my hard work and dedication along with God in my corner – life would be awesome!

But, about three years into our marriage, my husband became addicted to drugs. (It might be a stretch to relate this period of time to being raised in a Christian home…but that is what happened, and we need an “ugly” to make the title work.)

Those next three years were a nightmare.  This was NOT supposed to happen to ME. I was angry with my husband and with God for most of the three years.  How could they do this to me? I did not deserve this! Etc., etc.

When I finally stopped telling God what He could and could not do, stopped crying and whining, and simply told God I was at the end of my rope…would he please do something for me…within one week God dramatically intervened in my husband’s life.

Even that did not look like I thought it would. (It started out with jail!) But I knew God was working and I began to discover a deeper relationship with God based on love, trust, and obedience…not following a formula to receive a prize.

The post Raised in a Christian Home: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly appeared first on Adventures in Loving.

Not just people who ARE parents, but the human race in general seems to find great joy in evaluating the parenting skills of their fellow humans.  I get the feeling that some even feel it is their duty as a good citizen to make their assessments and render final judgment.

My dad is the one who pointed out to me that I would have to block out and not concern myself with the opinions of others.  This is how I was raised, so it was not a new concept for me, but I was a little amazed at the new world of judgment I entered when our first baby was born!

I soon learned the foundation of parenting: motive is key…my motive to be exact. Every choice I made about my child had to come from the right place in my heart. This principal actually has three parts that I learned over time.

First of all, parenting is not about me and my reputation.  This is my daughter’s childhood, not my mommyhood.  The goal of “best mom ever” is fine if my motive is the best interest of my little one, not the adoration of the people.  (No worries there, I was not even nominated for that award!)

The second concept was more difficult for the over-achiever in me to accept.  I had to truly believe and accept that teaching my daughter (everything from tying shoes to minding her mother) was the most important thing on my to-do list. . . more important than laundry, bills, shopping, being on-time to church (or anywhere else)…even more important than a clean house! (gasp)

Once I had basically grasped these concepts and mostly put them into practice, I thought I had arrived at the good parent club…but then came part three.

Not only was parenting not about me and the most important thing on my list, but I had no control over the outcome!  I was used to working hard, following the rules, and achieving my goal…success.  But with parenting I was simply successful if I did my part of the job to the best of my ability (more on that at another time)… God and my daughter would determine the outcome.  That was a big pill to swallow, and I still struggle with it, but I am so grateful to God that He showed me this truth early on in my parenting career.  I still get frustrated with some choices my girls make, but it is such a relief to be able to put them back into the hands of God and know that He loves them even more than I do!

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When my oldest daughter was about six, I let her take some pictures with my camera.  That was the old days when they still used film that had to be developed!

When I got the pictures back I was shocked and dismayed by one she had taken of me.  My expression was one of stress, worry, and disapproval. I looked at her like she might break something at any moment.

“Wow, I look worried in this picture,” I observed.  She shrugged, “That’s just how you always look.”

Wow. Smack. Sad.

I gave her a big hug and told her I was sorry. We talked about it and she went on to inform me that I looked at her differently than I looked at the baby.

That started me thinking about the message I was sending her.

At school she was getting the message loud and clear that she was “bad”. No adult would actually say those words, but everyone knew they were exasperated by her and other kids had no trouble putting words to the label.

The picture showed me that I was also sending a message. It was a lack of love – that she was a big problem instead of a really great kid.  I guess that comes naturally when you have a kid who wants to dance on the table, the chairs, and the couch – to stand on the kitchen counter to touch the ceiling, etc.  And it’s understandable when I had to watch her like a hawk to prevent “helping” with the baby or running into the street.

But being a thermostat isn’t about doing what comes naturally. For me it was about intentionally looking at my daughter with love and approval as much as possible. It seemed strange that I would have to think about something like that, but over time it became natural again. (and she later took some good pictures of me)

As a result, it became an important exercise to periodically step back and look at things from my girls’ point of view – to consider what messages they were receiving from me.  This was a priority for me because I believe that parents’ messages form the foundation of self-perception.  The message needs to be carefully and intentionally crafted.

Call them what you want them to be.

Going a little deeper into messages, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to name good qualities in our kids.  I have noticed that when I say, “That took a lot of determination,” or, “I’m proud of how thoughtful you were of your sister just now,” they swell up a little bit and get a tiny twinkle in their eye.  It is especially great when I know they only begrudgingly made the right choice. The praise seems to soften the resentment.

I was once very frustrated by a pattern of whining that was developing with our middle child.  On the advice of a book I read, I started looking for opportunities to praise her for the mature way she handled setbacks and disappointments . . . and it worked!  It was much more successful than the course I was on – telling her constantly to quit whining, often with a sentence like, “I am getting so tired of your constant whining! You need to learn to accept things the way they are!”

I would like to say that I am usually kind, loving, and encouraging, but this is actually one of my biggest struggles as a parent.  It is too easy to become distracted and fall back into thermometer mode!

Hopefully this has lessened over the years, but I continue the effort and never give up . . . This verse helps me acknowledge my shortcomings without being trapped by them.

Philippians 3:12-14: Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

A good example is the best sermon.

Our messages grow out of our attitudes. When I judge myself harshly, I communicate harsh judgment to others (mostly my family). When I rest in the arms of grace, focused on the love of Christ – love, acceptance, and approval overflow to others.

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A co-worker told me today that her little one had just said “mama” for the first time.  There is nothing like it – and I was reminded of those sweet days watching a little person emerge from the baby we brought home from the hospital.

Much nicer than our own latest first: first child-to-crash-the-car!

These days the “firsts” are few and far between, but as our youngest approaches 12, the “lasts” are becoming more frequent.

We marked many lasts with great celebrations . . . last diaper, last car seat, last kindergarten registration, last mission project.  Others were met with a tinge of sadness . .. last child-to-believe-in-Santa, last gift-of-a-toy, last enthusiastic-hug-on-being-picked-up-from-school.

Our youngest just returned from the last science camp.

I don’t have strong feelings about science camp, really.  But it reminds me that these parenting years are flying by . . . our youngest baby is almost a teenager . . . we are about to start the “last teenage years”! (We’ve almost survived two, I trust God will see us through this one as well)

Our youngest daughter was a big surprise.

We had married and started our family later than most – so we decided that two children were all we could handle.  But, God saw things differently!

Throughout this third pregnancy, I was referred to as an older mother . . . a lot!  I was also much more uncomfortable than with either of my previous two.

Still, when our beautiful bundle of joy arrived, we knew our family was meant for one more.

Anna was a different sort of child.  She is probably the most like me – though not an exact copy . . . that would be creepy.  For one thing, we were both third-born . . . but I was the only girl in the middle of four brothers, rather than the youngest of three girls.  This makes a difference.

Ironically, Caleb was also third in his family – and the youngest.  He has a tendency to over-indulge (read “spoil”) our youngest . . . and this also makes a difference.  I was definitely NOT spoiled!

But, Anna has a natural desire to do things the “right” way – which means she tends to follow the rules much more easily . . . and the parenting is usually less taxing.

I used to joke that God finally gave me an easy child because I was old and tired.

Anna was only 8 weeks old when the AVM in my brain burst.  Everything changed for our family after that.  This is another one of those things I feel is unfair for my kids.  She never got to be a part of our family when we were more normal . . .  I think that may be why she is the most accepting and least critical of her dad . . . she didn’t really know him before.  This is her normal.

For now, our 20 year old still lives at home.  Our three girls keep our house busy and loud.  Although it can be stressful, I enjoy the activity.  I know my little chickies will soon start to fly away.

I am looking forward to that in a way, but I also know I will shed some tears.

During this season, I treasure all the firsts and lasts, and all the wild and crazy times in between – the good and the bad.  They are the pieces that make up our family.  And even when the girls are grown and gone, all of the times that made up their childhood and our time together will still stand . . . because a family never really ends.

We may be a strange bunch, but this is OUR strange bunch . . . for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health . . . God is at work here.

Romans 5:3-4  “.. .but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

I Peter 5:10“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

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I am constantly amazed at how grown-up the kids are . . . I never get used to it.

When other people are amazed at their kids growing up, I think, “Well, what did you think was going to happen?”

But, for some reason, I am still genuinely surprised by my own kids’ rate of growth.

Eliza has the privilege of being our “clean and sober” marker.  So . . . Caleb has been off drugs for 15 years now (that story here).  Honestly, it seems a lot longer than that.

When this sweet little girl toddled into our lives, it began to dawn on me how little my parenting influenced our kids’ behavior – and how much was determined by their own personalities.

Of course, parenting is important and very necessary! Don’t get me wrong. But after almost five years of fighting tooth and nail over absolutely everything with our oldest, we were stunned the first time this sweet cherub looked her dad dead in the eye and climbed right back up to stand on the rocking chair he had just removed her from with a firm, “No, no!”  He gave her one more chance to obey, and then he gave her the gentlest swat on her diapered butt that I have ever seen.  He set her back down with another firm, “No!”

Now, with Lynn, this would have been the beginning of a 30-minute ordeal which would have involved a lot of screaming and eventually ended in some sort of confinement (for Lynn, not Caleb).

But on this occasion with little Eliza, she just looked at him so betrayed, put out her lower lip and cried!  And do you know what else?  She never stood up on the rocking chair again!  And not only that, she obeyed what she was told, at least intermittently, because she did not like that little swat.

Amazing!

All of the parenting advice that did not help us with Lynn, might actually come in handy with this one.

I began to feel that this kid would be a piece of cake.  Her attempts at temper tantrums were laughable.  I would just smile and say, “Honey, is that the best you can do?  After your sister….that’s nothing!”

Well, I didn’t really say that to her, but I thought it.

Anyway, needless to say, I got a bit too overconfident, and soon learned that Eliza’s sweet, sensitive nature would bring a whole different set of parenting challenges.  In some ways, she tried my patience even more than her older sister.

Lesson #1:  Do not rush Eliza.  The more urgency in your voice, the slower she will move (This one alone is enough to make me want to scream – or cry – or both).

Lesson #2:  Just because she does not question the rules or argue, does not mean that Eliza intends to do what she is told.  Though a long, protracted battle is not likely, verification is still necessary – that she is in fact doing what you told her to do (or not doing what you told her to stop doing).

Lesson #3:  Eliza connects primarily on an emotional level.  Words mean very little. Tone of voice, body language, and actual feelings are what she “hears”.  This can be very challenging for her no-nonsense mother!

Lesson #4: ADD looks very different than ADHD.  Just because Eliza is not “bouncing off the walls” or acting impulsively, does not mean that she is paying attention.  The fact is, she is more easily distracted than her sister – just less disruptive.

Lesson #5:  Being sweet and sensitive also means you get your feeling hurt more easily.  I had to shift gears from teaching my oldest to consider the feelings of others, to teaching this one not to take others so seriously.

I have learned a great deal over the last fifteen years of parenting our wonderful middle child.

I have had to learn to slow down and stay calm, even in the face of tardies and being late to work.  I had to embrace my mother’s (most irritating) words, “Oh well, it’s not the end of the world.”

I have had to learn to pay more attention to emotions and communicate in a more genuine way with my kids.

I have learned to be open to seeing what is, rather than what I expect.

And I have had to learn to stand on the sidelines and coach and pray my girls through difficult hurt feelings and life experiences that I can’t control…holding their hands, but encouraging them to take the hand of the One who is in control.

Proverbs 23:15-16 My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice—indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things.

The post For Elyse appeared first on Adventures in Loving.

For a few weeks I truly believed that any day I would just jump into writing. But, as the summer began to slip away, my brain switched into full analytical mode  – attempting to crack the mystery of my summer blogging challenge.

What is the big deal?  Other moms do it!  What is my problem?

I’m afraid I never solved the dilemma, but my need for order and routine is the top suspect.  I intend to prepare and implement a solution before summer rolls around again.

One major event that took a chunk of time this summer was our middle child’s performance in a show called “Ragtime”.  If you are familiar with Ragtime, don’t worry. They used the school edition . . . and even then, they cleaned it up quite a bit.  It was performed by 7^th through 12^th graders in a school based program, so . . .

If you are not familiar with Ragtime, Google it.

As usual, I only volunteered a fraction of the time the super dedicated moms did, but I managed to work on some costumes and help out backstage, things I never would have dreamed of just a few years ago.  I also worked in a fireworks booth for our youngest daughter (6^th grade camp fundraiser).  It is great to finally have time for these types of parent activities.  My girls really love it.

But, at the same time, I feel sad for our oldest child.  She was born with challenges (ADHD), she was a toddler during Caleb’s addiction years, and our Tumultuous Years spanned 5^th through 9^th grades.  We were just getting our feet back under us as she approached 18 and her senior year.

Of course, all the children were affected by those stressful years…with some pretty severe emotional responses…but the younger two now have the benefit of some relative normalcy (the key word here is “relative” – I would never call us normal).

I am the first one to announce that no one promised life would be fair (Really – it is not in the Bible, and anyone who has walked the earth for any length of time can confirm this by mere observation).  I often explain to the kids that it is not reasonable to expect all things between them to be completely equal.  Yet I still feel our oldest got a bad deal . . . and I don’t like it! I even feel resentful about it!

These feelings surprise me.

I don’t expect my life to be fair, and I have little patience with the “I deserve” bunch.  It’s such a trap.  Yet, when it comes to my kids, I want only the best for them.  They sometimes laugh at how aggressive I can be if I think someone is pushing them around!  (They laugh because I’m not really aggressive and it turns out really funny)

But, what if the inequity our girls experience is exactly what they need?  What if the very thing I want to protect them from is actually best for them?

But, how can something unfair be good?

. . .  I don’t know the answer to that.

The book of Job tells one of the most unfair stories I’ve ever heard . . . and here is how it ends up.

Job 40:1-2   The Lord went on: “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? Or will you yield? Do you—God’s critic—have the answers?”

 Job 42:1-6  Then Job replied to God: “I know that you can do anything and that no one can stop you. You ask who it is who has so foolishly denied your providence. It is I. I was talking about things I knew nothing about and did not understand, things far too wonderful for me. You said, ‘Listen and I will speak! Let me put the questions to you! See if you can answer them!’ But now I say, ‘I had heard about you before, but now I have seen you, and I loathe myself and repent in dust and ashes.’”

These are truths I don’t really care for.

I think a good chunk of life’s journey involves acknowledging and embracing truths while rejecting their corresponding lies. This process can be difficult, but results in peace and contentment.

Romans 8:28 (NASB)  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

 Psalm 85:9-11  Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, that glory may dwell in our land. Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed. Truth shall spring out of the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven.

So, today I am pondering . . . 1) how to better organize my summer schedule to allow for writing, and 2) my trust in God’s plan for my children’s lives – which includes unfairness from which I would prefer to shield them,

The post No Fair! appeared first on Adventures in Loving.

This is my mom playing at a music museum

This post is for my mom…my number one fan. (aren’t mom’s great?)  I hope my other four readers will enjoy it too!

Since I’ve mentioned my perfectionism and control issues, you may suspect I experienced a rigid upbringing…but you would be wrong!

My mom and I clashed a lot when I was a kid because I did not think she was strict enough, neat enough, or organized enough!

You know what she thought?  That I needed to RELAX!  We had such a backward relationship.  My dad was neat and organized, but he thought I needed to relax too.

They did their best, but if you think about it…how do you “lay down the law” and insist your child loosen up?  Do you discipline them for keeping a clean room and getting A’s in school?  Do you lock them out of the house until they do something fun?  I don’t know…it’s a tricky problem.

When I was upset by something like my family making me late, my mom would say in her sing-song voice, “Oh well, it’s not the end of the world.”  I would growl at her that I did not like being late.  “Mom, not everything has to be the end of the world for it to be important!  There are things that would be seriously bad even if it did not cause the end of the world!”

She didn’t get my point, I didn’t get her point . . . but, they tried.

I would have to say my childhood was pretty close to idyllic.  My parents were firm and loving, correcting and encouraging…they possessed that balance between discipline and understanding that I never mastered.  I appreciate their teaching to follow God, not them.  And, even though it took a LOOONNGG time to sink in, my mom’s carefree, people loving approach to life actually did have an impact on me.  I think it was because of her that I eventually learned to let go of the less important things…

None of us are promised or deserve that idyllic childhood.  When the Bible talks about parenting, there are principles about teaching, correcting, guiding, not exasperating . . . but it doesn’t really say parents should make sure kids have the same clothes and stuff as their peers, have good friendships, get the best education and be given every opportunity to succeed in life.

Providing those things is great, but not a measure of parenting success.  Our list of what parents need to provide for their kids gets longer as the generations go by!

Growing up, our home was always full of music.  If my mom was not playing the piano or teaching piano lessons, she was singing while she worked. Since I wanted my own home to resemble the one I grew up in, I was seriously concerned about my lack of piano skills!

Of course, my parents were not perfect.  I could even make a list of things I think they did wrong!  But, it’s a short list…and none of it critical.  In letting go of the whole perfection thing, I came to accept that my mistakes were just a part of God’s plan for my kids. And we can’t control our own life circumstances that affect our kids (well, not entirely).

I do my best to make “the right” parenting choices, but the right thing is not always clear.  I know I have, with the very best intentions, made some serious missteps . . . and that is okay.  When I see my mistakes, I apologize and try to do better.

Instead of fretting that I am ruining the children, I have learned to pray for them and trust God’s will for their lives. . .easier said than done!

The post For My Mom appeared first on Adventures in Loving.

Thank you, Dad.

Thank you for your uncomplicated faith. Of course your faith is your own and not mine, but I believe a father’s faith is a gift to his children – the foundation of the family and relationships.

Thank you for loving Mom and being a faithful husband. You demonstrated how I should expect to be treated.

Thank you for your example of how to live . . . not the hypocritical “do as I say, not as I do”.

Thank you for teaching me that God’s opinion is the only one that matters.

Thank you for discipline without anger.

Thank you for making us work, and not caving in to protests and tears.

Thank you for unconditional love. I never ever felt I had to do or be something to earn your acceptance.

Thank you for camping! As a parent I can now appreciate this was not the easiest route, but definitely the most rewarding for the family.

Thank you for your endless patience, for driving an hour to give my car a jump when I left the lights on – without being angry or giving a lecture. You knew that I knew I blew it . . . and for all the other times you patiently went out of your way to “bail me out”. (At least I didn’t make you go to San Diego or Eureka like some other siblings)

Thank you for not being controlling – for giving us room to grow and make choices (and mistakes) before we were out on our own.

Thank you for teaching me that happiness is a choice. I rejected this for a long time, but you just kept saying it until one day it finally made sense.

Being a dad is a very big and difficult job – not everyone is good at it. I am most fortunate to have been blessed with the best dad ever. I am grateful to God and I am grateful to you.

The post For My Dad appeared first on Adventures in Loving.

2. Being asked to make other daycare arrangements.

3. Being told every single day that my daughter was disruptive during nap-time.

4. Despising pre-school nap-time.

5. Grocery shopping = my worst nightmare.

6. Being told my daughter cut another kid’s hair.

7. Wishing the teacher didn’t want to talk to me at pick-up time.

8. Giving my daughter an instruction and being asked, “What’ll you give me?” (positive reinforcement gone bad)

9. Making the rule: no standing on the kitchen counter (and then adding the bathroom counter later…out of necessity).

10. Homework = my worst nightmare.

11. Getting a call from school – my daughter had been swinging a chair over her head.

12. Getting a call from school – maybe it would be best if my daughter did not come to school the day of the Halloween party.

13. Dreading calls from school.

14. My child not getting invited to birthday parties (literally none).

15. No one showing up for a birthday party.

16. Unhelpful and uncooperative teachers and administrators.

17. My daughter testing as near genius.

18. Lots and lots of testing!

19. My daughter getting D’s and F’s.

20. Even the remotest possibility that my daughter would not graduate from high school. (She did graduate, by the way!)

Two of my favorite quotes that have been important to me:

“A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable.” – Billy Graham

“Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.” – John Wooden

And that’s all I have to say about that.

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Well, can you say, World War III”“?

Our first baby girl arrived with a bang.  The nurses in the hospital pronounced her “a very smart baby”…I could never figure out how they made that determination based on a newborn, but they were right.  She hit every developmental milestone very early. She skipped crawling altogether, paused briefly at walking and then proceeded to run everywhere. She was soon speaking in complete sentences and no-one ever wondered what was on her mind again!

Being an extremely loving and affectionate child did not translate into an obedient child.  I (mistakenly) believed she would eventually realize that her parents were in charge and she would stop trying to overthrow the administration.  No wonder she loved Pinkey and the Brain!  Undeterred by repeated failure, she was sure that THIS would be the day that she would finally take over the world (house).

For my part, I had to accept that the dishes in the play kitchen would not be stacked on the shelves, preferably ordered by size.  The doll clothes did not require their own set of drawers so they could be sorted by size and type.  The Barbie shoes would NEVER be kept in the adorable pink organizer.  And, no, I could not even ensure that the Barbie clothes would not get mixed in with the doll clothes!

As a toddler my daughter wanted to verify day after day that the rules and consequences were the same, but by the time she was five she was becoming more agitated by us “controlling” her (as she put it).  She told me that the only reason she had to obey us was because we were bigger, and the only reason she had to live with us was because we had the money.  When she started Kindergarten she wanted me to drop her off at the corner so no-one could see that she had parents.  I was fully expecting this…but not for another eight years!

I spent my daughter’s school career in the principal’s office.  This straight-A student, goody-two- shoes (what does that even mean?) was now being called in on a regular basis to discuss my daughter’s behavior!  Horrifying!

So you can see now why I had to give up my quest for “best mom ever”.  I tried settling for “good mom”. . .  but, no . . . it’s just “mom”.

Now that the child is 19, I can find some humor in her childhood…and gratitude for all she taught me.  Not that she’s your average, everyday 19-year old!  There will never be anything average about that girl, but I don’t have to spend every minute of every day enforcing every rule.  Exhausting!

And really, now I know she rescued me!  I know a few of those best-moms-ever, and I don’t see much joy in their eyes. They seem trapped in a world of performance. It turns out I’m glad to be just regular old mom.

My grandma had eleven children. When asked about her parenting success, she answered that she loved them and she prayed for them.  I took that advice to heart, and I will say this…my kids don’t doubt that I love them.  That makes me smile.

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